I'm feeling really ADD and nervous right now. Apparently my brother is still telling Mom how he wants to kill himself and now Mom's starting to act like Dave; it's like living in a house of the living dead. No wonder I practically never want to be at home. Mom says she can't pray anymore (not that she's lost faith in God, she says, she's just too mentally exhausted) and that sometimes she thinks of killing herself; she doesn't have the energy to do anything like visit friends or even call them and keeps wandering around the house because she just can't sit still she's so worked up. Dammit! Why do I always have to be the stable one in the fucking family?! Even being an Aspie I think I'm more emotionally together than everyone else. The poison that is Dave has infected Mom, but he won't infect me- I refuse to succumb to depression or despair. It's soooo peachy hearing your mom say that if either you or your brother died she'd lose it and/or kill herself. I'm hungry and panicky but I just couldn't stay at home much longer so I took a bus downtown to the library- I dunno what I want to do next. Wish Jay was up and I was with him so I'd have someone who isn't part of the zombie plague to vent to/talk with. I'm like Alice from Resident Evil or something; I'm the only living person left in my house.